Urge to run

Every now and then (sometimes more often than not), the restlessness in me becomes so great that making a run for it sounds so so good.. It would be so much easier to just.. run. Staying and working things out is so much harder... especially when I don't know where to start. Like I'm sailing a sinking ship... Today I flat out just felt like giving up.. Calling a forfeit. It's not about winning but I never stood a chance.. My faith was so much bigger when I started. Father save me from this wreck I'm facing..

If I'd known this is how it would go, I doubt I would've played this game... that's why I'm glad I didn't know. I wouldn't have willingly jumped into the ship, I would've stayed on the shore.. so I'm glad I didn't know.  The lessons learned are so worth the bottom of the ocean... I've grown so much and feel a little taller.. Except for the heartbreak that goes with the ship. Maybe it's not God I struggle to trust.. maybe part of the struggle is because I  trusted too much in people.. or maybe that's just the heartbreak talking.

What takes more faith and which is wiser? Run for freedom.. or sinking in the ocean?
Maybe I'll get it right one day.

i am Jack's complete lack of surprise

News todays that I didn't get the job, after my second interview, came as a slight shock... and at the same time, not a shock at all.  It was a shock in the sense that both interviews went through-the-roof amazing... Not a shock in the sense that this is the THIRD company I've had interviews with and not gotten the job (which is the only three interviews I've ever gone through and not gotten the job.. ever)... Not a shock in the sense that God delivered a message to me at Passion that this was right where He wanted me... Not a shock in the sense that, more and more, I'm getting used to things being harder and not just falling out of the sky the way I want or expect them to... Not a shock in the sense that I haven't been able to shake this feeling of restlessness again that the Lord is about to have me jump ship.  He's steady preparing me and teaching me to be patient as I'm steady chomping at the bit to go already.

I guess the only part that shocked me was how qualified I knew I was for the jobs, how amazingly the interviews went... and then nothing.

Believe what you want, but I firmly believe the Lord shut those doors for me on purpose.  Who knows, maybe I'll be going out on mission a lot sooner than I thought.. maybe I won't.. He knows and that's more than good enough. I'm definitely intrigued as to what He's got next.