Urge to run

Every now and then (sometimes more often than not), the restlessness in me becomes so great that making a run for it sounds so so good.. It would be so much easier to just.. run. Staying and working things out is so much harder... especially when I don't know where to start. Like I'm sailing a sinking ship... Today I flat out just felt like giving up.. Calling a forfeit. It's not about winning but I never stood a chance.. My faith was so much bigger when I started. Father save me from this wreck I'm facing..

If I'd known this is how it would go, I doubt I would've played this game... that's why I'm glad I didn't know. I wouldn't have willingly jumped into the ship, I would've stayed on the shore.. so I'm glad I didn't know.  The lessons learned are so worth the bottom of the ocean... I've grown so much and feel a little taller.. Except for the heartbreak that goes with the ship. Maybe it's not God I struggle to trust.. maybe part of the struggle is because I  trusted too much in people.. or maybe that's just the heartbreak talking.

What takes more faith and which is wiser? Run for freedom.. or sinking in the ocean?
Maybe I'll get it right one day.