World went upside down.

So The Cavern starts next Sunday!!! (www.thecavernattrinity.com) I'm so excited to see how God will use this for His Glory.

Over the past few weeks, I've been on a constant roller coaster. Feeling under the weather for the past few days didn't really help much. I see God working through me and all around me. The roller coaster part? Well to start, I let myself become burdened by everyone's misery around me (even people I barely know). I want so badly for everyone to have the peace and happiness I've found through Jesus. It's not the first time my heart has been so heavy for others but it was the first time it happened since I've quit smoking.. Which helped me realize that I no longer knew how to cope with stress without cigarettes. Would it have been easier to just smoke a cigarette? Likely. Did I? No. Instead I went home and cried like a baby until I passed out.. Which since I haven't been sleeping normally was also much needed.

And who knows, maybe I've bitten off more than I can chew this semester between my job, numerous committees, taking a class, pushing forward with my student mentor team, involvement with church, social life, etc.. But honestly, maybe one of the committees is really all I could see myself giving up. The semester is only for a few months anyway.

I'm happy, just tired.

Then there's matters of the heart. Oh man. Just when I thought I had things figured out.. Just when I was pretty sure I knew which way was up, an old friend contacts me. It's not really that I'd never realized it before.. But he'd always been with someone else (or I was with someone else) and I wanted him to be happy more than anything else. But all it takes is to hear his voice and my heart is like butter. I couldn't take it anymore and so I told him that it wasn't true about Pattie always being the only girl in school that never 'liked' Shane.. And how sorry I am for never saying anything and just sitting back while he got stomped on by all the others. And he said that the truth was I was likely the only girl that REALLY did honestly like him and care for him. Then I laughed and pointed out that we were talking in past-tense, like it all wasn't STILL true.

I would stop the world for him.. I know his 'flaws' and love him the same. He's my best friend and, while I know I can, I would hate to go through life without him. The downside to all this is that he lives in Arizona now and still has a year left in school. Do I think he would ever more back to Louisiana? Don't know. Would I ever move to Arizona? Again, don't know ;) I do know that I will never love another person the way I love him. I'm so tired of settling for less than what my heart really wants, tired of trying to find someone else that could possibly measure up to him.. tired of putting myself through unnecessary heartache.

All of this made me stop and think today.. Where is God taking me? I love Shane, but I love my God more.. Lately I've been getting a tug in my heart that Lake Charles is SO just the beginning of the road in my ministry. I don't know where I'm supposed to go, or when.. But when I do, it will be for God. A big part of me is scared that as I take on new positions for God, new roles.. that I will mess up, that I won't be ready.. But that fear is so not going to stop me. If God is with me, then nothing can stand against me.

My life is not MY project, it is GOD's project and I am 100% down with that! :)