...and i just started talking

I'm so thankful for the past couple of days.  It's hard digging deep inside myself to sort things out but always so rewarding once I have the light-bulb moment.  The past couple of days have been the result of all my digging (for a while now like.. a few months at least).

Prayer can be very beautiful.  Or it can be stale.  It finally dawned on me that my prayer-time had become very stale... With the repeat pattern from anytime I'm in community of using a 'sharable' prayer, I'd not been aware that this was the same I was doing with God.  Which essentially meant I wasn't being very open with God at all.

The past couple of weeks for sure, I'd noticed it and was struggling with it.  Why wasn't I being open with God? Why did I feel like I didn't know how? What was it going to take for me to break the wall back down?

Answer:  The fear of being WITHOUT God was all it took.  Because if there is a wall between me and God then that means I'm isolating myself and that N E V E R goes anything less than horrible!

So Saturday night I went back through the steps of how I spent my favorite time with God at the old house. Ooooh yeah! Laying in my bed on my back, hands stretched up high, eyes closed - no distractions. It took a moment still for me to get my mind right but man, oh man, I knew I needed to talk to my Lord more than I needed anything I could possibly think of doing.

And I just started talking. Out loud. I apologized for not talking to Him for so long.. and for sending up prayers like they were post cards rather than really acknowledging He was constantly here with me the entire time, and praised Him for His faithfulness. I apologized for worrying more what someone else thought of me rather than what HE thought of me, and praised Him for His love. And then I felt the freedom again like I used to - the freedom to spill my heart and brain out to my heavenly Father who delights in every single word.  I'm pretty sure I fell asleep talking to Him.

Today (Sunday) was amazing. I woke up feeling so alive and calm and felt so comfortable in my own skin again like I haven't in quite a while. Ahhhhhh. Jesus, You are awesome =)