ADD Addiction

With everything going on, including being sick with different things for almost a week, running out of my ADD medicine was not something I was looking forward to.. at the same time, I knew it was going to happen.

I prepared myself for it the best i knew how and even tried telling myself that i hadn't actually run out.. but my body wasn't listening. Day one and i already had a raging migraine that was on the path of putting me in all system shut down mode. I have no clue how many excedrine i went thru yesterday but it still wasn't enough. My body hurt everywhere, like millions of little needles injecting poison that was making it harder to move muscles.

I've gone through the withdrawals before so I at least knew what to expect. I knew that my muscles weren't actually shutting down but it's still hard to function through the pain that my body tells me I'm experiencing .. so i just kept telling myself that there wasn't actually anything hurting me.

The last time I went without meds, the withdrawals just continued getting worse - for the entire two weeks I was waiting for the moment when it would get easier, the withdrawals would ease off only... that didn't happen. The thing about it is I knew that it wasn't actually going to kill me.. it just felt like it should.

So here i was again, i thought, and praying for most of the day since i SO was in tune with the fact that i needed God for every single step, every single sensory, every single moment. I was trying to come to terms with the fact that i just was going to have to get through this, praying that somehow i would still be able to function and keep my job.. that those close to me would be understanding.. but mostly that God would help.

And then i was sponsored. My meds were paid for. And i am so absolutely humbled and grateful. And addicted. I've known this for a while and i just avoid it. God, I'm do weak.. but thankful that He made a way and used the people that love me to prolong the inevitable.

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