praise!

I've just gotta post this real quick as a praise to God...

I SLEPT LAST NIGHT!!! It was amazing. I slept for 6 solid hours and then another 3.. I would've slept even longer but the dog I was watching for someone last night really needed to go outside.. and I was starting to feel like a bum. ha!

But the extra 3 hours goes to having a great boss (thank you, Paul!) and being spoiled. Not that I've been sleeping hardly at all for the past week but really.. how many people can say that they have a boss that encourages them to sleep in??

I've also gotta praise God for my step-dad - God is building people right now and it's such a beautiful work He's doing. Wayne has re-discovered the JOY of having a relationship with Christ and wants to embrace that, I know he can do it! Wayne has been opening up to me (and apparently my brother now, too!) lately and it takes every ounce of my energy not to scream like the Saints just won the superbowl ;D Wayne has had a life full of the people he loved the most either passing away (wife/melissa's mother, his own mother, never knew his father, most of his children don't come around...) and he has lead a life full of sorrow, emptiness, lonliness, anger, guilt.. and now Wayne is seeing that the whole time, God was there loving him!

And me.. I feel God's grace building me up to carry out a mission for Him and I am so excited. I'm starting to see more purpose for things I've encountered.. Such as living life as a lesbian, and Him taking that away and being plopped into hetero-world. I'm happier but until recently, I didn't examine why I was happier... I'm happier because it's not something I have to deal with the world on so much anymore - God made my life easier. What I'm trying to say is I know that I'm happier (1) because it was my impossible for God and (2) the world hates gays.. therefore the world hated me.. and if I'm not gay, I'm not automatically hated by the world.

Once I realized that that was my #2 reason for being happy... That broke my heart.

I've gotta do something. I may never end up settling the war but I have to try. How can I just sit back and do nothing in the position that God has placed me? I don't think for one second that God would change me JUST so that I could have an easier life. NO! God knows I'm used to hard stuff and that I'm bored without it... And that when everything is going smooth, that's when I take time to break myself down personally to examine myself... lol, which usually starts because I feel like I'm missing something if everything is going smoothly and I must be distracted from God... (yes, this is the mentality I have from almost always being in hard stuff. But so far it really has helped me to grow myself spiritually and then take on the next hard thing)

All in all... It's been an amazing weekend. I can't wait to see what God has planned while I seek His face.